In our last lesson we talked a little about the role of a woman, a wife, and a mother. Of course, you are an individual, with beliefs, talents and giftings that are unique to you, and how you show compassion, love, and administer justice will vary among women, however, you were not created to be abused. As stated before, the greatest honour a woman can carry is being a mother and faithful wife. You can say that statement is not true, however, believing that it is not will leave you hollow and feeling used.
In earlier lessons we talked about a man is created to be a provider and protecter. It is the man’s responsibility to bring in an income that will provide shelter, food, clothing, and entertainment for his family. We also discussed that a man listens intently to his wife, valuing her opinions and thoughts on a situation, before stepping up and taking full responsibility for a decision. He is to honour his family and not boast that he was right, nor does he shift the blame onto other family members when he has chosen unwisely. A man accepts full responsibility for the decisions he has made, as the wife is not a manic prosecutor who inflicts wounds upon his back when things fall apart.
A husband and wife are like oxen yoked together to pull a heavy wagon. One ox may be stronger physically, but together, they can pull the heavy wagon with ease. As time goes by the wagon becomes heavier, as they have more children, and their children marry and have children. Never should there be worry, strife, anger, bitterness, jealousy, or poverty on that wagon. We were never created to carry those things.
Both parents need to equally share in the raising of the children; however, things like, “just wait until your dad gets home,” should never be spoken. Nor should you say things like, “your dad is so lazy and crazy,” “what your mom doesn’t know won’t hurt,” and “your dad never takes my feelings into account.” We are supposed to honour and respect our spouses, and never demean them to our children. Why on Earth do you want your children to disrespect and distrust their parents? What are you trying to gain from that? It is selfish to do that, harmful to the child and teaches that gossip and slander are okay things to do.
Men it is time to get off the couch and do something for your family. I understand you worked a hard day at your job, but laziness and selfishness are not part of your job description as a parent. I understand there will be days when you don’t feel well, your muscles might ache, or you are trying to solve a mental problem; however, your family needs you daily. Have you told your children today that you love them. Have you really listened to how their day went? Babies become adults overnight, and time vanishes quickly. Today it is important to build a stronger relationship with them.
Husbands, you have wives that need to be told they are doing a great job. They need to be held and hugged. They need to have you hold their hand and be able to tell you anything, without you trying to solve the problem. If they ask for a solution offer a suggestion, otherwise just listen. Don’t demand sex without being a husband first. If you are in the mindset, you did your part by going to work and coming home, eating dinner, and waiting impatiently until the kids are in bed, before pouncing, you are totally wrong. Sex is a physical act, making love is a different story. Instead, when you get home from work, take a few minutes to unwind, and then become a father and husband. Emotionally connect with your family, listen to them, help them, become a part of their lives.
After you get married don’t stop pursuing her. Remember the times you would talk until midnight on the phone with her, save up your money so you could take her out and you would look at her and admire her. Do those things. Message her during the day, even if it reads, “sorry, I just remembered I forgot to pick up the wet towel in the bathroom. Love you.” When is the last time you picked a flower for her, or asked her if she wanted to go for a walk just to talk? Life is not about you getting your needs met, it is about meeting the needs of your family. Let me say that again, you reap what you sow. If you meet the needs of your family, you will receive more in return.
Your children are learning from you how to treat your spouse. Teach your son to open doors for women, by doing it yourself. Teach your son to allow the woman to walk through the doorway before them. Teach your son to open the car door and to hold the arm of a woman on ice and snow. Teach your son to offer up your coat in the rain and cold. Teach your son not to use foul language in the presence of a woman. Teach your son to walk on the curb side of the sidewalk. Teach your son it is not all right to drink excessively. Teach your son to respect and love women. Teach your son how to be a man. How to shave, how to dress, and how to talk to girls. And NEVER allow them to disrespect their mother.
Fathers, do you want your daughter to bring a mirror image of you home? Be the visual example of what your daughter should be looking for in a man. Don’t allow your daughter to go out with just anybody, make them come to the door. Your daughter is an emotional wreck when a boy flirts with her. She will make decisions of love based off butterflies instead of her head. Remember, virginity is gone after the first sexual encounter, and father’s it is your responsibility to protect her from making the worst mistake of her life. Not only is she losing this special gift for her future husband, but she can become pregnant, get a disease, or become addicted to that ‘special’ love emotion. If she is being fed proper love in the home, it will be less likely that she will seek out emotional love and support from sex.
You can disagree with me, that sex is for anyone, anything, at any time. As I mentioned earlier, I lived and grew up without boundaries and it made a mess of my life. Sex is for marriage. Sex is more than emotional and physical needs being met; it is about the becoming one. If you have sex to make you feel special, loved, or needed, then that is unhealthy. I have spoken to so many people that are in a relationship just because there are benefits. Sex isn’t love. Butterflies are not love. Fantasies being fulfilled isn’t love. Lust is not love.
Don’t be fooled by people who speak empty words to you and deceive you with words of love. Don’t trust your emotions either. They lie. Sleeping with someone because you are bored, lonely, intoxicated, or those lips are calling your name is never a good idea. Emotions lie. They will flee when the truth comes out because they have no backbone. If you want to ride the train of falsehood, go ahead, and chances are within a short time you will be walking beside the railroad track cursing something or someone.
I didn’t know they were prone to drinking too much. I didn’t know they had anger issues. I didn’t know about their gambling addiction. You didn’t know because you jumped aboard while the train was moving and didn’t wait at the station to get on. Oh, there were red lights, warning signs, but you decided to fuel up on your emotions and lust and missed it all. If you would have ‘courted’, ‘dated’, took your time to find out, you would have seen it. Ask me how I know all this?
Teach your children how to date. Teach your children the difference between love and lust. Teach your children that sex is dangerous, not only for your mental health but your physical and spiritual health as well. If they are already sexually active, explain to them how love really works and that emotions lie. “But dad, you don’t understand, I love him.” REALLY! Get them to explain what love really is. If the words, sacrifice, loyalty, respect, compassion, and lifelong are not used, you know they don’t have a clue. Explain to them the difference between lust and love.
If you are a father, and you don’t know the difference between them, you better learn and practice. You are the example your children are running with. You don’t want your 13-year-old daughter running after some 17-year-old boy, who “loves her and treats her like gold”, all the while, being used for sex. That’s dirty, that’s gross, that’s immoral and that’s when dad should step in with a baseball bat. If you can’t be fierce enough to protect your daughter from a sexual predator, you are not a father. Am I being bold enough about this. YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT ANOTHER MAN’S SEXUAL TOY. She is your pride and joy, and your responsibility to protect her at all costs.
I understand as I was there, you are doing what you know you shouldn’t be, but your children are watching and learning what to do from you and you are doing it all wrong. It’s like a smoker telling someone not to smoke. You must turn things around immediately. If you are living together and not married, either get married or separate. But it’s only a piece of paper. That’s a lie out of Hell. Marriage is a covenant, sealed in blood, (or is supposed to be, hence the blood of a woman who is pure.)
Covenant marriages are legally binding contracts or agreements between two people who have the intent to live together for the rest of their lives. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/03/style/covenant-marriage-divorce.html
That definition was from the New York Times. Notice the word intent. That means you know, that YOU know, that YOU know. Yes, many people get married out of lust, and don’t have a clue what it really means. They have divorce as their side dish at the wedding, and a signed legal document that states, if this doesn’t work out, you don’t get the house and car. Women become obsessed with planning their wedding, believing after the wedding, all the ugly will go away, and the person they marry will settle down and they will live in joy. Funny that the divorce rate is so high. Well, that’s why I don’t get married.
I slept around, sowed my wild oats, and now I am living a good life. I go to work and come home, we have our bills paid, and we go on vacation once a year to a nice place. My children will be alright. They have to learn the hard lessons in life. It’s their choice. I am not responsible for what they do. I am asking you if that is your best you can offer your children? I am not saying this to condemn you, I am asking you an honest question. Are you doing the best for your children? Are you doing your best for your spouse? Are you becoming the best you can be for your family?
Have you ever heard, “do unto others as you would have done unto yourself?” “Love others as you want to be loved.” You can’t give what you don’t have. If you love yourself little, you can only give a little love. If you hate yourself, you don’t have love at all to give. Lust is not love. According to Merriam-Webster lust means: usually intense or unbridled sexual desire. Lust needs to be fed, it is not satisfied, and needs more and more to quench its desire. It can manifest into bizarre behaviour.
Your little girl at 13 years old, who is allowed to date a 17-year-old, doesn’t have the capacity to love with a true heart, when lust is the fuel in the engine. Lust needs to be fed more and more; it is never quenched. Giving away her body in the natural sense, will need to be fed and the lust will grow into more than she will ever want to give, but she needs to give to be satisfied. Do you agree? Will one partner grow into two, same sex, orgies, pornography, abortions, moving from one relationship to another because of boredom or the need to experience something or someone new? Is this making sense to you?
Fathers, you need to teach your children how to be adults with control over lust. You need to show them how to treat each other, respect one another and love one another. You need to help your children love themselves much, so they can give much. You need to teach self-sacrifice, loyalty, honesty, how to clean, how to drive, to be humble, and how to give. This is why parenting is so valuable. You must mirror what you teach.
MEN you have a family that must come before your needs. If you are operating out of lust, whether for money, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, binge watching television, gaming, etc., you need to turn off that lust. Is it easy placing that unbridled lust beneath your feet and keeping it there, no, but it is doable. Let me explain something to you, what you think about, you bring about. What you do becomes a habit. A habit is done without thinking. A lustful thought can be put down with a righteous thought. A righteous thought will become a habit that you do without thinking about it.
WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT, YOU BRING ABOUT. This takes effort and consistency. If you keep telling yourself, I don’t know how to cook. I will never be a good cook, you never will. If you tell yourself I am a good cook, I get better each day, you pick up a cookbook and practice, you will become a good cook. Does it happen overnight? NO. Keep the vision before your eyes. Keep your thoughts pure. Thinking about what you want, and command those thoughts you don’t want, to go. You must command them to go, out loud. Speak out loud what you want.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A MARRIAGE IS UNITY. WITHOUT UNITY THERE WILL NEVER BE AGREEMENT. WITHOUT AGREEMENT THERE WILL BE NO PEACE.
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