April 28th, 2024
As I read what others write, it takes me back to where I was. I was there, living in fear, living in poverty, living but not living at all. I was enraged as my alcohol abuser drank, passed out and left me to clean up the mess. I was awoken in the night, I was threatened with violence and received verbal demands that bordered on emotional abuse. I was there and today I am not.
As a child I watched as my family circled the wagons around alcohol. I went from relationship to relationship, seeking love but ending in watching alcohol abusers drink. I felt so encased in this world, I didn’t know there was a way out. In 1996, I read the bible from cover to cover, and became a Christian. In 1998, my first husband passed away from drug and alcohol abuse. Did I find freedom from his death? No. The physical sight of seeing him drink was gone, but the mess inside of me was still there.
I ran right into the arms of another man, married him, and divorced him ten years later. He wasn’t an alcohol abuser, but he was controlling. From him I ran into the arms of another man, another alcohol abuser. We married, and I left him in 2014, still carrying the burdens of my childhood, my first marriage, my second marriage and now my third.
I recently read a post by a woman who said, [paraphrased] “the problem is if I move out, I lose everything. I have a well-paying job but if I move out, I will need to pay rent from my savings account. I am waiting for him to get ill and die. I am in my fifties and don’t want to lose all that I have built but want it to end, his drinking and spending.”
Have you ever read or heard about a person in their eighties going back to school in order to graduate with a diploma? Or someone in their seventies deciding after all these years, to start going to a gym to work out, and start running marathons? Are we ever too old to start something new? To enter into a new facet of life? No. Once you decide to stop learning something new, or doing something new, you begin to die. Have you noticed, people, especially men, who retire and do nothing, soon die?
I used to work in the healthcare industry and met so many couples who had a happy and joyous life together, and they would tell me how hard their life was. The wars, the natural disasters, the financial hardships, and the illnesses; yet they enjoyed it all together. I met couples who endured life and their marriages. They believed they were married for life, and even though they hated one another, they had to stay together, at first for the children, and then because they were afraid to be alone. The children shared how hard growing up in a war zone was and the damage it did to them. For those who separated from their spouse late in life, told me it was something they should have done years and years ago. Yet, they still seemed fearful of life, still carried anger and jealousy in some cases, and were isolated from others and life.
Is separation the only answer from someone who is abusive or emotional and physically detached? From someone who was there, I would say yes, in most cases. I understand the fear of taking children away from their other parent, the financial burdens, the extra work involved, but having gone through it, it is worth it, only if you are willing to do the work necessary to change the most forgotten part of all this; yourself. Did you notice in my testimony, I said, I ran to…I was free to run, and I did. I saw green grass on the other side and ran towards it, finding only the same grass on the other side. Because I didn’t change my beliefs, heal my heart, or take off my rose-coloured glasses.
In 2014, I had had enough. I was willing to leave and did. Was it painful and hard? Yes. I cried, and cried and then cried some more. Then I told myself to grow up and stop acting like a little girl, pull up my big girl panties, and to mature up. I lived a block over from my husband, with the thought he would change, and within six months I would be back home. No, that is not what happened. He got worse. I would call the police in the middle of the night because he would yell and scream outside my door, while pounding on it. I called the police to have him arrested for drunk driving. I visited him in the hospital when he needed to be admitted. I drove him to rehab and then answered the phone hours after he was released drunk.
In 2019, I had had enough and moved away from that little town, and he would call day and night. I would be on one line listening to him hang himself while on the other line be talking to the RCMP. This happened a couple of times. I would listen to his stories when he was admitted to the psychiatric ward. I would talk to him on the phone when he got home from rehab centres, or from an overnight emergency visit at the hospital. Sometimes, I would block his calls when he was on a drunken rage, and sometimes I just wouldn’t answer the phone.
To this very day, he still holds the belief that we are going to get back together. Even though I love him as a person, I stopped telling him I loved him. He will end our conversations with, I love you, and I will tell him to have a good night. He will repeat I love you, and I say have a good night, and hang up.
Am I angry at my parents and husbands? No. All the hate, anger, and jealousy I have felt for them is now gone. I have chosen to honour them, speak highly of them and forgive them. If any of them needed me, I would be there. I never speak ill of them. Yes, I told you a few things I went through, not to dishonour them, but to tell you, that I know and that you can too, get through it and be peaceful and joyous, and not hate or be envious.
My mother passed away a couple of years ago, and I am thankful, that I had a wonderful relationship with her. I told you my first husband passed away, and I am looking forward to the day I see him again. I know for a fact that he is in Heaven, as God told me he was there, and it was confirmed by a couple that he received Jesus as Lord and Saviour days before his death. I hold no anger towards my second husband, nor my third husband. I am still married to him, so I cannot seek out a new relationship with anyone.
There is no recipe card I can share with you that give step by step instructions on how to get from point A to point Z. Your point A will be different than mine because we are all unique individuals with different family dynamics and challenges; however, I can share some of what I did, and that may help you.
I left. I left my third husband, and I left my second husband as well. They both hurt, and I cried. The third time, I decided to heal and take care of what was causing the problems. The common denominator was me. I chose to marry these men. I…me…I had to own that. I was the problem. I tossed out the ‘but’ he…’but’ he did’…’but’ he said. I cannot change anyone, but I can change me. I can change what I allow into my heart and what I allow to get rid of. I can listen to abuse, or not. I can partake in it or refuse it. I can choose to listen to garbage or not. When you turn it all off, an eery thing happens, there is silence, and you wonder what you are suppose to be listening too. You have two choices here, good, or evil.
What you listen too and see, is what your heart will contain. What you choose to loose from your heart will be loosed, but you cannot invite it back in. People who are considering suicide wrestle with life and death. They will often seek out the dark side for answers. However, once a decision to end their life is made and how and when, they become peaceful, because they have decided. It is the same with living with an alcohol abuser. If you decide to leave, and figured out how and when, and you seek out the good side, you will be at peace.
There is a good side, and an evil side. The good side is of course God, and He has said, “I have given you a free will, choose wisely.” The dark side, which is Satan’s side, doesn’t play by those rules. If you decide to leave, and figured out how and when, he will pull on you until you give in, and stay. The Word says, “I will cure you from backsliding,” (Jeremiah, 3:22) which means, you need to learn how, which means you need to stay in the Word and learn the Word and obey the Word. The Word also says, “you will step out in joy, and be led forth in peace.” (Isaiah 55:12)
That sweet spot of peace. God is not a god of confusion, but of peace. If you are confused about what to do, you are listening to Satan. If you are at peace about a decision, you are hearing the voice of God. God will tell you everything you need to know, but you have to be listening and asking Him. If you don’t hear a response from God, ask another question or rephrase the question you asked. God will not do for you, what you should be doing for yourself. I ask God before I write, what do you want to say, I only want to write what you want me to write. My fingers need to be on the keyboard, my eyes need to see what I write, and I must read to edit, and edit and I still sometimes miss a word here and there. My part is to write the words and hear the words, God’s part is to tell me what to write, when to write, and carry it to you. Jesus said, if I speak the Word, He will perform it.
Here is the most important part: FAITH
In Hebrews, the book of faith, it says in chapter eleven, by his faith, faith opened, faith motivated, faith operated powerfully, faith inspired, faith prompted, faith enabled, faith stirred, faith opened, faith pulled down, faith provided, faith pulled them into reality, faith shut the mouth of lions, faith imparted power to make them strong, faith-filled women saw their dead children raised in resurrection power, and faith enabled others to endure great atrocities. This is what faith does. (The Passion Translation)
We all have been given a measure of faith; however, some have kept their measure unexercised and is weak and almost useless. Some have worked their faith from little to massive. Some people have used their faith to raise the dead, heal all kinds of sicknesses and do amazing things. Sometimes, we use our faith, and nothing happens in the natural, but in the spiritual realm it is working powerfully. Faith calls those things that are not, as if they were. “Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen.” (Hebrews 11:1; TPT)
You never say, I don’t have it in me. You say, “the power of God dwells inside of me. God’s Word says, I have the mind of Christ. I have Holy Spirit inside of me that is my power source.”
You never say, I can’t hear God. You say, “God’s Word says, He never does anything before telling His prophets, and I am a prophet over my own life. He always tells me what is going to happen before it happens.”
You never say, I can’t. You say, “My faith tells me I can. My faith tells me it operates powerfully, it provides a way of escape, it pulls me into reality, it prompts me and enables me. I am created to operate this way.”
“Although weak, their faith imparted power to make them strong! Faith sparked courage within them and they became mighty warriors in battle, pulling armies from another realm into battle array.” (Hebrews 11:34b; TPT) The armies from another realm are called the Host of Heaven, their leader is Jesus, the Lord of Hosts. Because we are given the name, we can use His name to command the Host of Heaven.
The Word says, the people listed in Hebrews eleven are heroes, and that they are commended for their faith. They believed, and God did. They trusted in Him and God came through for them. Was it easy for them? No. They were thrown into lions dens, told to believe that the Red Sea would part, told to see into the future, and to build an ark. Listen how this works, “Faith opened Noah’s heart to receive revelation and warnings from God about what was coming, even things that had never been seen. But he stepped out in reverent obedience to God and built an ark that would save him and his family.” (v. 7)
If you didn’t know, we are living in the last days, the days of Noah. God told Noah to build an ark. This ark was 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high. It took between 80 and 120 years to build. Then God said, “You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten and store it away as food for you and for them. Noah did everything just as God commanded him.” Noah was harassed from day one until God closed up the ark. As the floods came, do you think those people ran for the boat? God told Noah rain was coming, even though it had never rained before.
Look around the world today as flooding is happening everywhere. Nebraska just had tornadoes as well as other states. Before 2024, the prophets spoke about these things, telling people to prepare. Before the pandemic, God told people to prepare, and He even showed us what is coming. I have been telling you, these are the days of Noah, build your ark and put food into it. Have you done it? Don’t blame God if you haven’t. He has been speaking to prophets, and if He has spoken to me, He has spoken to you.
That is what Faith is. Doing what God has spoken. Believing in what He said and trusting that He has the power to carry it out.
I am going to briefly explain the ‘Days of Noah’ thing and prepare. For more detailed information visit www.threecrossescanada.com and read the Joy of Home.
As stated, God has been telling people to prepare their emergency supplies, build their pantry, including water. He has been telling people of shortages coming. I have been posting links and warnings on Victory Campaign 2024, on both Facebook and XAPiT.
In March God said, start buying extra meat and cheese.
In April, garden seeds and flour and grains.
In the Joy of Home series are more detailed lists of items to have on hand and start buying certain things and how to’s. We talk about everything from how to fold a baby’s diaper to how to cook food during a power outage. We talk about money as well.
I can tell you what the prophets have heard and spoken, I can tell you what I heard, but you have to pick your faith up and carry out the Word of God.
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