April 4, 2024
I have been accused of only promoting leaving the alcoholic, leaving no guidance for those wanting to stay. Let us take a few minutes to discover the truth about this.
The title of this article are the words spoken by Jesus in Matthew 10:36, in the Passion Translation. In this chapter Jesus is warning us that people, even those in our own household will hate us, they will turn us in to be prosecuted. Jesus even went as far as to say, “expect to be hated by all because of my name.” (v. 22)
This morning, I read a post on Facebook, where the writer explained her boyfriend’s behaviour, that she was tired of it, and that she thought she should leave, but didn’t know if she should. This is what I heard in my spirit as I pondered her words, “They write the answer, but can’t see the answer they have written.” Fear paralyzes us. The thought of turning away from someone we believe needs us, even though they do not love us, and they hurt us; we do not want hatred to flow between us and it freezes us in place.
We reflect ourselves back onto ourselves in some of these situations. For example, you say, I would never treat that person like that, so your belief is that they would not either, so you explain away their behaviour through your own. Have you ever watched and listened to your alcohol abuser the night before, swearing you have had enough and you want out, only to wake up in the morning and changed your mind about leaving? Have you convinced yourself that you are totally opposite of your alcohol abuser, that you are the one who would give your very life for them, that you love them to the moon and back regardless of what they have done or said?
“Be on your guard! For there will be those who will betray you before their religious councils and brutally beat you with whips in their public gatherings….A brother will betray his brother unto death – even a father his child!” (v. 17, 21) If you live in an alcoholic relationship, you will understand this. Its brutal, its cruel, and it is, let’s call it what it is, abuse. Yet, we stay. I stayed for years because I was afraid to leave. I hated being yelled at; my money was taken from me (truth is, I gave it away, but I couldn’t see that at the time). I became a martyr in my own eyes.
Above I mentioned a woman who wrote out what she should do, plain as day, but she couldn’t see it. She had to ask if what she wrote was truth. People told her to leave, to flee, but will she see it, receive it, and do it? Again, Jesus says, “Expect to be hated by all because of my name, but be faithful to the end and you will experience life and deliverance.” (v. 22) Jesus is not saying be faithful to the person who is abusing alcohol, He is saying be faithful to Him. If you do what He did, and say what He said, you will experience life and deliverance.
Recall the story of Jesus speaking the truth in the synagogue, and the people who heard Him became enraged and wanted to throw Him off the cliff, yet Jesus simply turned and walked away. He didn’t try to reason with them, or win them over, He just left. People hated Him, enough to murder Him. His children turned on Him, yet He loved them enough to die for them, He didn’t put up with their sin or abuse. Jesus has already paid for it all so you can walk in freedom, experience life, and have deliverance.
Jesus walked away from people all the time. He would say the truth and let the person choose to receive it or reject it. God is all about allowing us to have a free will and to choose Him or reject Him. “Perhaps you think I’ve come to spread peace and calm over the earth – but my coming will bring conflict and division, not peace….Within your own families you will find enemies.” (v. 34, 36) No where in the bible can I find anything related too, “you made your bed, now live in it.” No where can I find, “stay where you are and make the best of an abusive relationship.” If you know of one, please let me know.
I know personally what it is like to live in an alcoholic marriage, the yelling, the lies, the poverty, the intimidation, the false belief that time will handle itself. Time doesn’t care about you, it is not alive, and it doesn’t have feelings. The same with alcohol in a bottle, sitting on your kitchen counter, that bottle that you hate and dread. It is not alive, doesn’t feel and doesn’t sin. To date, I have never seen or heard of a bottle of alcohol sinning. Have you ever said to yourself, “I hate alcohol.” Is it the alcohol you hate, or the behaviour of the one who is consuming it?
What you believe in your heart you will say and do. The Word says, from the heart the mouth speaks. What is in your spouses heart, they will say and do. In Matthew 11 Jesus criticizes the unrepentant cities of Korazin and Bethsaida because He went there and performed miracles, but they refused to repent. “Capernaum – do you really think you’ll be exalted because of the great miracles I have done there? No! You’ll be brought down to the depths of hell because of your rejection of me.” (v.23; TPT) Listen carefully to me, Jesus rejects no one who comes to Him with a repentant heart, one who truly is seeking Him. Yet, He says, those who reject him, cannot enter into Heaven.
What does this have to do with staying or leaving an alcoholic relationship? I had heard in my spirit, “They write the answer but can’t see the answer they have written.” You have the written Word and do you read it and do it? The Word says, “you are to have no other god before me.” We call them idols. We can make alcohol an idol, our husband or wife an idol, our jobs, our money, our children, our homes, our education an idol. We are called to speak and do what Jesus did. He even went as far as to say we will do greater works than He did.
“Then Jesus exclaimed, “Father, thank you, for you are Lord, the Supreme Ruler over heaven and earth! And you have hidden the great revelation of your authority from those who are proud and think they are wise and unveiled it instead to little children.” (Matthew 11:25:TPT) Your job is to seek out what Jesus is telling you to do. The Father Himself wants you to know your authority and is willing to reveal revelation knowledge to you, however, Jesus says in verse 27, “But the Son is able to unveil the Father to anyone he chooses.” Jesus says to knock, and the door will be opened. Let’s knock and hear what Jesus has to say.
Take out a piece of paper and prayerfully ask Jesus these questions, write down what you hear.
- Do I have idols before my God? If yes, what are they?
- Do I fully trust God?
- Do I believe that Jesus is gentle, humble, and easy to please?
- Do I believe that Jesus has the ability to forgive any and every sin?
- Have I heard from You, and ignored You?
- Am I walking in faith or fear?
- Lord, am I like Capernaum or Bethsaida? Have I seen you and ignored you? (Repentance means to admit your sin and turn away from it and it is forgotten by God. Judgment is the end of repentance and the eternal separation from God.)
- Your Word says, “But God’s wisdom will become visible by those who embrace it.” (Matthew 11:19; TPT) “But wisdom is proved right by her actions.” (NIV) Am I living and showing wisdom in my life today? If so, how? If not, what do you want me to do?
There is only one God, and our God loves you. He doesn’t have one bad thought about you. You are His treasure, the pearl in the field that He found and has paid the ultimate price for. He has promised never to leave you, nor forsake you, but you have a free will to reject Him. If you repent and do things God’s way, there is no pickle jar you can’t come out of. If you place your trust in God, there is nothing the two of you can’t do. Faith and fear can not operate at the same time. If you are fearful to leave the past behind, your faith cannot carry you into your future.
Jesus is your husband. He vowed to protect you, honour you and care for you.
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