The most important job you will ever have in life is that of a parent; if you are not one yet, or will never be, your role as a man or woman is next. Many people live in confusion as to whether they are even a male or female, even though you can tell by looking at yourself in the mirror. You are born male or female. One of the first questions asked the doctor is, “is it a boy or girl?”
When I was growing up, many girls were called “Tom boys.” Girls also pretended to be cowboys, and played with tiny cars, army men, as well as barbie dolls. Boys during my childhood, baked with their moms, played with GI joes, or Ken, picking up barbie for a date, and learned to clean their rooms. Boys were taught to shave, how to fix cars and motorcycles and were told to act like men.
Today, women despise the thought of being married to a man who is traditional in the sense of leading the family but despises a man who is weak. Today women want help in the home but chastises a man who doesn’t do the housework like she would. Men for decades now have not been taught to be men. I know more about the care of an automobile than many of the men I have met. I know how to check the oil, put air in my tires, charge a battery or attach battery cables; I know some men who don’t have a clue.
Why are families falling apart? Because men and women don’t know how a family is supposed to operate. Too many women are education focused, career focused or on survival mode. I speak to young women daily who have no desire to have children because they steal the joy out of life, are demanding of their time and are too expensive to have. They view abortion as a contraceptive and feel the need to sow as many oats as they can, before living with someone they feel can give them what they need. Both men and women have a wrong ideal about relationships. It is not about getting; it is about giving. The more you give, the more you receive back.
Have you ever tried to help someone who is only into taking everything? They are usually demanding, tiring, never pleased with anything, their hand is always out, they are selfish, and you just want them gone as quickly as possible. A selfish person is only looking out for themselves, even though they may try to confuse you as to their true motive. They come to stay with you and take everything out of the fridge, they don’t help clean up, they leave the house a mess and then complain about everything as they walk out the door. Don’t be this person. Their reward has already been given.
The Role of a woman, a wife, a mother.
If you hear a knock at the door, and you stand before the door and do not open the door, you never know what is on the other side. If you open the door, it will either be a good thing or a bad thing. You have the choice to let either one of those things into your home. If it is a bad thing you allow in, it will manifest into something bigger, and be harder to remove from your home. It is possible to get that bad thing out; however, if you allow it to stay, it will eventually cause a death to all living things in your home.
The role of both the husband and wife is to keep all bad out, all sin out, all influences that cause death and destruction out. Your ultimate goal is to raise healthy children, that can stand on their own as adults and raise their children in a safe environment. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes; however, we must do everything in our power to stand firm and keep the ugly out.
I have mentioned before I married alcohol abusers. I made many hideous decisions, and today, I see my children living out my mistakes. I didn’t keep the evil out, and they are paying a hefty price for it. Generational curses are a real thing, and if the hose is not plugged up, those generational curses will flow into the next and the next, growing worse with each generation, as explained in lesson one.
Your number one job, as a woman is to gain wisdom and build up the strength you need to fight off bad influences and kick out all bad habits, including unforgiveness, anger, jealousy, gossip, and backbiting. Throughout your life, you will be faced with decisions that will crush you and your family or will cause wealth and prosperity for your family. You can’t have both. You cannot sit on a fence with one foot in right living, and the other foot in the madness of the world and think you are protecting your family.
That is like having a credit card and maxing it out and making minimum payments on it, and saying you are living a good life, full of freedom and peace. Debt will demand more of you than you want to pay or can afford to pay. The same goes for those who play around with substances that rob you of both your mind and finances. Do you know the penalty of allowing substance abuse in the home, around your children? DON’T DO IT. You reap what you sow.
It is never too late to get off the fence and live a righteous and pure life. If you teach your children how to live right, the chances are much better that they will lead a righteous life. There is a saying that it is better to live in a house without strife and eat stale bread, than to be fat and overfed in a house filled with strife.
Your highest position in life is being a mother. You are the one who gets up before dawn and makes breakfast and prepares for your day. You are the one who sets her heart upon the family, and teaches values, morals and how to manage a home to her children. You are the one who plants seeds into the lives of your children, so they grow up into healthy adults. When hard times come, you are the one who has the strength to carry the load, and you are the one who has prepared for the winter season, so your family is warm and safe. You discipline your children because you love them. You are not afraid when tribulation comes, whether it is unemployment, a death, an accident, or a harsh season, because you have prepared. You work and are not lazy. You are joyful, patient and kind.
Mothers are not doormats. Mothers are not slaves. A wife is a support to her husband, not a flat tire. What you allow your family to do outside of righteousness, justice, being noble or honourable, will grow into a substance that will affect the whole family. Remember, you are your family’s moral compass. People look at me strange when I say, yes, I am married, separated for 10 years, but I cannot seek out a new man, I cannot even think about it because I am not divorced, and he is still alive. If I did choose to discard that moral part of my life, and live with a man I am not married too and still married to another man, what does that say to my adult children and grandchildren? She speaks out of both sides of her mouth, she is double minded, and she doesn’t practice what she preaches, so why trust her about other things.
You must become a woman who does what she says she is going to do. I told my husband for years, “if you drink again, I am going to leave.” “If you drink again, I am going to leave.” Why didn’t he respect me? I was wishy washy, didn’t hold myself to honour, and lied through my teeth. I showed weakness, and weakness attracts sin and sin will take everything you got to give. What are you willing to give sin? It will take it all. Your family, your money, your very life.
Women attack women if you haven’t noticed. If you have a good man, other women want him. If you are not a good wife, you might lose your good man. Men don’t want to come home to a wimpy, whining wife. They don’t want to be attacked the moment the door opens. They don’t want to be greeted by a woman who is still in her pajamas, complaining that she was home alone all day, looking after three small children, and the house looks like a bomb went off in there. Hey, I get the whole, new mother thing, the diapers, the feedings, and the care of other small children in the home, but seriously, how long are you going to allow tiredness to go on? Six years later, the children are all in school, and you can’t get out of bed until noon, or your house looks the same in the morning as it does at dinnertime.
Ladies don’t give in to laziness. I bet you watch influencers all the time, and say, I should do that, I should try that, and do nothing. You will watch someone clean their house and leave yours a mess. I know this can be hard to hear, and I am not advocating perfection, but excellence. Do your very best for your family. It is not easy, especially if you work outside of the home. Washing dishes, cooking, cleaning out the fridge, scrubbing the bathroom, laundry, and dusting, all take valuable time and effort, but you need to do those things.
It is time to set your priorities in the proper order. Put aside your time wasters and make your family and home a priority. I have pajama days, a few times a year. I get so involved in housework, at noon I notice how late it is, and keep going without changing. I NEVER wear my pajamas to a store or go walking down the street in them. To put the garbage can on the street corner, I have been seen doing that.
Start giving people the opportunity to praise you and give you credit. If you started to daily just clean the house, get dressed and have your hair combed and teeth brushed, and not hammer away at your husband the moment he came into the house, your works will be noticed. If your husband says, “it looks great in here, better than normal,” don’t attack him, thinking he is criticizing you. Say, “thank you.” If he says nothing, continue getting supper on the table, his silence doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate you. Maybe something happened at work, and he is processing it. Maybe his car was acting up on the way home, and he is trying to think about what could be wrong with it, or maybe he is just needing a few minutes to unwind.
Have you ever come home, and the kids are in your face the moment you appear, “I am hungry,” “they took my crayons,” “I want it now,” “they won’t share.” Doesn’t that just irritate you? You haven’t even taken your shoes off, and they are demanding of you. Do you do the same thing to others?
The total responsibility of the children and home should not fall directly on the mother alone, especially if she works outside the home. Her husband should help as well, and not just come in and sit on the sofa drinking pop and eating potato chips. Her children should be taught chores appropriate for their age. You don’t accomplish this by yelling, whining, or demanding. You don’t accomplish this with criticism after they completed the chore. There is a huge difference between criticism and correction.
Thank people for helping you. Encourage them to do a little more, without demanding. Kindness and love moves mountains, not anger and frustration. If you appear in a fit of rage to your husband on the couch, as he is watching the football game, screaming, “you need to help me. I can’t do everything. Get off your lazy butt,” is going to do damage. Great damage to your relationship. Wait until the game is over, and then ask him if he enjoyed the game. Was there a great play? “I am glad you enjoyed the game. Could you please help clean up the livingroom now that the game is over? If you could just vacuum while I dust, it would really help me out.” You reap what you sow.
“Well, that is just not me. I am loud and demanding. I want it done my way when I want it done.” How great is your relationship between your husband and children? “We are fine! Why do you ask? My family knows to stay out of my way.”
“My husband is so lazy, even though the garbage is right beside him, he doesn’t use it. He complains about everything, even though I try really hard to please him.”
“My husband is an alcohol abuser. He yells and screams at me and the children. He lost his job and stays home and drinks. I have to work, and he spends my money on alcohol.”
“I am a stay-at-home mom, who homeschools and I have a housekeeping schedule that works for me. My husband works full time, and we have a small savings account, and are trying to have another baby. My family thinks I am being used by my husband because I choose to honour and submit to him, and this is causing tension because my husband feels the need to protect me when we have celebrations with my family, and he has stated that he is starting to dislike going to my family’s house.”
I want to explain something to you: honouring someone and not judging someone’s heart, doesn’t mean you tolerate their sin or misbehavior. Never at anytime should you put up with any kind of abuse, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or financial. NEVER! EVER! You can judge someone’s actions, but you cannot judge someone’s heart, because you really don’t know what the true intention of the heart is. Have you ever said something to someone, and they interpreted your words wrong, and judged your motives and got them all wrong?
When you get married, you leave your father’s house, and unite with your husband. You create a family, and this family develops a moral compass based off the parents. This model may not be acceptable to others around you, but you must defend your family’s right to live what you and your spouse have designed. Input and wisdom from others is different than lecturing and domination.
Family members within your home need to be able to express themselves, and their personalities. If you are too domineering this will stifle the children’s exploration of themselves and their personalities and will eventually cause conflicts because they feel they are not being heard and appreciated. They may become forcibly rebellious giving way to peer pressure over the security that should be found in the home.
Women are not born with nine lives. We are not born to deal with multiple tasks to perform at the same time. That is a myth that women can successfully multitask. If you focus on one thing at a time, you will outperform yourself compared to trying to do multitasks at the same time. You cannot live five different lives or repeat a portion of your life you failed previously. You have one opportunity to get it right the first time. You can correct yourself, try it a different way the next time, but you can’t go back and fix it, redo it, it is gone. Time doesn’t repeat itself. History comes back around, but not time. You only have one virginity. You only have one time turning 18 years old. You only have one first pregnancy. You only have one time falling in love the first time. The first kiss. The first time you drive. The first time you meet. The first day on the job. Life is filled with second chances, but you only have one first.
The first time you allow the bad and ugly into your home, it is there. It will grow, like mold in a dark, damp corner. To get rid of it takes bleach, scrubbing, and rechecking to make sure you got it all. Cigarette addiction, gambling addiction, foul language addiction, overspending, addiction to horror movies, all started with one. If you are vigilant within your family, you can keep a lot of the bad firsts out of your home. I grew up in a home where I was allowed to smoke cigarettes before the legal age, be sexually active before marriage, and saw drinking and partying as a fun activity. I am not saying, if I hadn’t been exposed to these things in the home, I would never have done them, but I would be better aware of the danger of them. When right is spoken into you from an early age, it will stick better to you throughout your life.
In the next lesson we will talk about the role of a husband.
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